The bible says "the sins of the father will be visited upon the children unto the seventh generation". What an awful scripture! I have been thinking about this topic and how awful it is to think that seven generations could pay the price of one person.
When I think back on my childhood days, my parents did not drink, smoke and our lives centered around God and the church. My Father played in the Church band and he taught me about the word of God from a very young age. I clearly remember my two brothers and sister sitting in the front of the church watching my Dad play the guitar and sing and praise.
My father had a terrible childhood, his Mother (my Grandmother) had been divorced a number of times and had to put her children in an orphanage until she could find her feet again. He landed up at a young age with rheumatic fever, which left him with a heart condition; and as a young teenager he was in a car accident which left him with a brain injury that left him epileptic. He spent 20 years searching for his biological father. He eventually tracked him down and when he met him, his father rejected him outright.
As things unfold, my Mother also had a traumatic childhood. Her Father was very abusive verbally and physically and she married my father at just 16! She had me at 17, which was followed by my three siblings two brothers and a sister.
Looking back, I think our strong family strong involvement in our church kept our family on track. It kept the dysfunctional beast at bay. In recovery I have learnt that the beast never goes away, instead it will patiently wait for some excuse to rear it's ugly head. It will use any excuse possible, like an argument, a wrong doing and any other emotion. It will then lash out and leave a in it's wake a trail of emotional damage.
When I was about 11 my parents were (I now know) trapped by this dysfunctional beast. The church life slid, and the droon of constant arguments, slaming doors became a way of life. I found a coping mechanisim called "ESCAPE".
To Be Contined....
A Blast From the Past (Part 1)
Has anyone from the past, just popped out of know where?
Well, out of know where, someone from my past appeared in my life after absolute no contact for over 12 years! When I saw this person I was not even sure who she was, then she reminded me who she was. At first it was a feeling of ok....then and no interest from my side at all. I mean the past is in the past surely? But addiction is a cunning thing, soon the friendship started to blossom once more, at first flattering and so friendly in boxes on Face Book the next thing a face to face meeting and then the spark burst, before I knew it I was living in the past 12 years ago, the ego boosted, the feeling of "butterflies flying around" in my stomach...the sudden awakening of the addict had arisen.
However, I knew better and so did she, her life had changed (apparently) she was now reborn and had left the drugs long ago. But, as for the disease it was not in slumber no more unbeknown to me or her I am sure. She was in dire circumstances, her husband had passed away a year or more ago and left no finances for his 7 year old son or her. I could feel her silent cry for help and of course like a fly to a trap, with all the best intentions (or so I thought) started a rescue plan and assisted her with an immediate sum of cash and a position in my company.
I reasoned this person will make a huge success due to her need to make a success of her life. While, from there she became a companion, and enjoyed conversations about the future. Every one in my family got to adore her little son and the rescue plan escalated to dentistry and medication which she could not afford.
In the corner of my mind a old foe had emerged the first step of dysfunction the RESCUER and she had pulled out a card played in life the VICTIM. This "cat and mouse" game started to unfold. For some strange reason I could see the events unfolding, yet it was like free falling faster and faster.
Thanks to previous experience and knowing the outcome which is the drama triangle, I knew my Victim would become my Persecutor and I would soon fall victim to this sticky relationship. So, with lots of restless thought and stress I offloaded and spoke the words enough!
End Part 1
Well, out of know where, someone from my past appeared in my life after absolute no contact for over 12 years! When I saw this person I was not even sure who she was, then she reminded me who she was. At first it was a feeling of ok....then and no interest from my side at all. I mean the past is in the past surely? But addiction is a cunning thing, soon the friendship started to blossom once more, at first flattering and so friendly in boxes on Face Book the next thing a face to face meeting and then the spark burst, before I knew it I was living in the past 12 years ago, the ego boosted, the feeling of "butterflies flying around" in my stomach...the sudden awakening of the addict had arisen.
However, I knew better and so did she, her life had changed (apparently) she was now reborn and had left the drugs long ago. But, as for the disease it was not in slumber no more unbeknown to me or her I am sure. She was in dire circumstances, her husband had passed away a year or more ago and left no finances for his 7 year old son or her. I could feel her silent cry for help and of course like a fly to a trap, with all the best intentions (or so I thought) started a rescue plan and assisted her with an immediate sum of cash and a position in my company.
I reasoned this person will make a huge success due to her need to make a success of her life. While, from there she became a companion, and enjoyed conversations about the future. Every one in my family got to adore her little son and the rescue plan escalated to dentistry and medication which she could not afford.
In the corner of my mind a old foe had emerged the first step of dysfunction the RESCUER and she had pulled out a card played in life the VICTIM. This "cat and mouse" game started to unfold. For some strange reason I could see the events unfolding, yet it was like free falling faster and faster.
Thanks to previous experience and knowing the outcome which is the drama triangle, I knew my Victim would become my Persecutor and I would soon fall victim to this sticky relationship. So, with lots of restless thought and stress I offloaded and spoke the words enough!
End Part 1
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